It’s been just over a year since I moved from a full time job to be a business consultant. I have the opportunity to be working in several places,with different teams, including my final full time place of work. 

Initially I thought the transition would be easy. In-fact for first six months, I enjoyed the freedom of having the time to think more and the opportunity to work with different teams. It was exciting. 

In the next 6 months, it got tougher. It’s not that work has been too challenging. It is the change of position. From a position of power and authority, to a position of not having power and authority. From a position of leading to a position of influencing, not knowing if the changes I think needed, might take place. Without a warning, sometimes emotions can wreck me. For example, I can see a change is needed immediately, and I am thinking why others cannot see it. Yet after sometime I realise my job is not to effect change when I want to. Speed is not a sustainable success factor for me now.

My job is to create the space for teams to realise a specific change is needed or to articulate a need with clarity for all. (and sometimes with in that space, I realise, may be that change or the need, is not what we thought it would be)

I read many books, took online courses, discussed with many mentors, but this insight from my experience, is so important for my happiness and teams around me. 

We have different perceptions about the term ‘consultant’.

‘expensive people who have quick answers to problems of others’

‘experts who can talk, only talk,not having to sweat the new changes they bring in’. 

I am not surprised, because most of us had bad experiences with consultants. In my transition, in order for my work to be successful, to create that space, I have to wear different hats: Sometimes I am a moderator, sometimes I am a coach, sometimes I am a counsellor. There are times I am a nobody. I just be there. Not trying to fix anything. Yet, fully aware of the issues, trying to see a different angle, from the people around me.

I was accused of something I did not. Truly, I had no part of it.

Because I wanted to be completely understood, I asked specific questions to see if what I think is the same what he thinks.

I explained that it was a total misunderstanding. He did not believe a single word I was saying.

I figured there’s no point, and also my blood is now pumping at a rate which is not healthy.

I moved away. Physically yes, but not mentally. Here’s how it went in my head.

“ How could he? Even after all my explanations? Does he think I am a liar? So,  he could only see this incident? And why he cannot see I would not do such a thing “

It is fun to be the right person in my head. But my blood is still on high speed.

I remembered an advise from a book and sat down. Closed my eyes and quietly slid in to meditation for about 10 minutes.

“May I be well, May all beings be well”

Then a smile crossed my troubled face.

“ How could I ? Even after all good things he did ? Do I think he’s useless ? So, I can only see this incident ? And why I cannot see I am capable of useless judgments on him?”

Holding on to anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else; you are the one who gets burned

~ Buddha